The movie opens in a new world where God is
a human-like entity with feelings, desires,
and emotions. He lives in an apartment in
Brussels which he shares with his wife and
his 10-year-old daughter Ea. His older son JC was
a rebel who wanted to do things his way, hence,
God doesn’t like talking about him.
Unlike how he is normally painted, this
God is not a messiah or the savior. He is simply
a creator who is bored of designing things.
Before creating humans, he made cities and towns
filled with only animals. But such a world was
boring since animals didn’t create drama on their
own. Hence, God made the first human in his skin
named Adam. After traveling the world, he found
a woman named Eve and instantly fell in love.
Being the first humans was a bit difficult for
the couple at first. But after trying a bunch
of things in bed, they finally managed to get Eve
pregnant. Their children multiplied over the years
and eventually, humankind was formed.
God watches them learn and grow but it all Â
gets boring after a while. As time passes, he
turns sadistic, someone who gets high by making
people suffer. He creates stupid rules like a
slice of bread will always fall to the ground
with the jam side down and the line next to youÂ
in grocery stores will always move quicker.
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When the little problems get old, he creates
bigger ones like terrorism, global warming,
poverty, natural calamities, and so on. Even
outside of work, God is a terrible creature,
always bossing his wife around and treating
her like a lesser being. He is emotionally
and physically abusive to his daughter as well.
She can move things with her mind like her older
brother JC but God doesn’t allow her to use her
powers, jealous that he doesn’t have them.
No one is allowed into his office room where
he keeps files and data about humankind. Until
one day, Ea finds the door open and walks
inside without her father’s knowledge.
In the middle of the room is a computer
that God uses to control the entire world.
Through the computer, Ea discovers the many
catastrophes that her father has created.
She is disgusted at how he enjoys
watching people drown in misery.
Hence, at dinner that night, she calls him out for
being a sadist. An enraged God whips her with his
belt for hours until his anger dies down.
By the end of the toture, Ea has had enough.
She decides to run away from home
but since it has no doors or windows,
she asks her brother for help. When she touches
a little statue in her room, it comes to life
as JC and explains what she must do next.
She should first get herself a bunch of apostles;
someone who can be an advocate for her policies
and ideas. JC tried twelve and it was too messy
so he asks her to try getting only six apostles.
To choose the said apostles, she can just randomly
pick up six human cards from her father’s study.
Then, JC asks her to write a brand new testament
using the apostles and their experiences. That
way, Ea can contribute to the betterment of
humanity like JC once did.
To get her out of the house,
he has hacked the dryer and connected it
to the human world. After a long chat,
Ea steals the key to the study room from her
father and retrieves six human cards randomly.
Before leaving, she hacks into his computer
and sends a text to every living human,
telling them the exact day they are about to die.
This brings chaos to the human world. Many people
who have less time on earth, leave their jobs
and start doing things they always wanted to.
Some eat whatever they like while the others
take a step further and jump off buildings.
Initially, people don’t believe the text messages
but many coincidences happen in relation to the
texts, making them come to terms with their death
date. The scared ones do everything they can to
prevent their deaths but they ultimately find out
that it is inevitable, as they can die from simple
accidents like a cupboard falling on them.
This also sends people into a moral dilemma and
many soldiers flee the war, wanting to doÂ
better with the time they have left.
THE BRAND NEW TESTAMENT FULL MOVIE REVIEW
As the chaos continues, Ea goes into the dryer
and crawls along a long path until she finally
reaches the human world. She enjoys the rain
for some time before eating a burger from the
dumpster. When the burger makes her sick, she
is helped by a homeless man named Victor.
She senses that he is a good man and asks him
to help her write the testaments since she is
not good at writing herself. Initially, Victor
dismisses her request as childish but when she
continues following him, he agrees to help.
Back at home, God wakes up and finds out that
the world he created is changing into a better
place. Until now, the uncertain future made
people fear doing what they loved. But
with their lifetime in front of them,
they can choose whatever they want to do with
their lives. This brings people joy which is
against God’s wish of how humans should be.
He quickly goes to his computer to change the
settings but finds out that it has been
hacked. Ea’s smell is lingering around
the house and by following it, he finds
the pathway located in the dryer.
At this moment, he decides to go into the world
he created to teach his daughter a lesson. Back
on earth, Victor and Ea go to their first apostle
named Aurelie. She is a beautiful woman, wanted
by many men and envied by every woman she meets.
However, she is always sad and frequently blames
her life for being unfair. It turns out that when
she was a teen, Aurelie lost her left arm and has
been wearing prosthetics since then.
Ea asks her to talk about her life so
they can extract the important parts
to write in the new testament. Victor
gets ready with a pen and a piece of paper
to note down Aurelie’s life lessons.
She starts by saying that the most crucial
moment of her life was not when she lost her arm,
it was when she met a homeless man one day.
He told her that life is like a skating rink
where a lot of people fall. It was a simple
sentence that many people would interpret in
the ways they like. However, to Aurelie,
the sentence gave her life a new meaning.
She knows she has already had her fall and
is trying to get up for several years.
Ea understands her concerns and asks her to wait
for a miracle that is about to happen shortly.
At night, Aurelie dreams of reuniting with her
hand. She comes to terms with her disability
and finally gets up from the skating rink
that the homeless man told her about.
After Aurelie, Ea moves on to the
second apostle, Jean. In his childhood,
Jean loved adventures and always wanted to
explore the world. But when reality hit,
he got stuck in a nine-to-five job, dedicating
his life to climbing the corporate ladder.
When he found out that he has twelve years
left to live, he didn’t want to work anymore.
Hence, he sat down on a park bench and hasn’t
moved ever since. He spends his day looking
at things around him and feeding birds.
Ea finds him on the same park bench and sits
down to chat. She can talk to animals and offers
to translate Jean’s words to a bird. Jean wants to
ask the bird why it never flies away from the park
when it has wings to travel anywhere in the world.
In turn, the bird asks Jean the same question.
The question brings clarity to Jean’s mind
and he sets off on a journey to find himself. At
the same time, God finally reaches the other end
of the tunnel and enters the human world.
He is instantly troubled by the world he
programmed when a lady pepper
sprays him for being a creep.
As he tries eating a burger from the garbage
can, he is attacked by the street gangs.
Later, he is taken to the hospital where he gets
into a fight with the doctor after insulting him.
Still not coming to terms with a
human’s way of life, he steals a
kid’s sandwich and is beaten by the mother.
Meanwhile, Ea looks for the third apostle named
Marc. He is a sex addict whose only wish in life
is to get in bed with as many women as possible.
His addiction started when he saw a girl on the
beach at the start of his teenage years.
After finding out he has around eighty
days to live, he took all the money out
of the bank and has been spending it
on prostitutes every night. However,
it hasn’t provided him with ultimate happiness
and he is still longing for something deeper.
Ea tells him that he has a beautiful voice and
asks him to do something with it. She is sure
that the path will lead him to happiness. The next
day, Marc gets the job as a voice actor and meets
a woman at work. She turns out to be the same
girl who he saw at the beach a long time ago.
They two instantly feel the chemistry
between them and go back to his place.
For the first time in Marc’s life, he feels
a connection deeper than his sexual urges
and they fall asleep holding hands.
In the meantime, God’s wife is enjoying
time alone without her husband. While cleaning the
house, she notices that three more apostles have
been added to the picture of the last supper.
Somewhere else, God ends up in a church
thinking that it is the one place he will be
respected. But he is beaten for cutting a line
to the food. The pastor helps him and feeds him
but God repays the kindness by insulting the man
and making fun of his life. Even the calm
pastor loses his cool and abuses him.
Meanwhile, Ea and Victor make their way to the
next apostle named Francois. For the last week,
he has turned into an assassin after finding
out that he has twenty five years left to live.
He thinks that he is not doing anything wrong
by killing people since the ones who die at
his hands were supposed to die anyway.
One day, he is on a mission when Ea approaches
him, asking him to target a specific lady.
The lady turns out to be Aurelie, hence when
the bullet hits her prosthetic arm, Francois
thinks it is a miracle that she doesn’t die.
Intrigued, he follows her for the rest of the day
and is smitten by her beauty. He falls in love but
keeps on denying it to himself, until one day when
he buys Aurelie flowers. Gathering much courage,
Francois hands them to her, expressing his love.
Aurelie accepts them but gives him no reply.
Then, Ea visits the fifth apostle Martine. She
used to be a hopeless romantic who is now stuck
in a loveless marriage. She found out that her
husband is going to outlive her for thirty years
and has been sulking ever since. She even
tries hooking up with random men to get rid
of her loneliness but nothing works.
Ea meets her and senses that she is being
called by someone in the circus. Martine takes her
word and the three go to a circus later that day.
There, Martine locks eyes with a gorilla and
instantly feels a connection to it. Knowing
that he is her one chance at happiness,
she buys the animal from the circus.
At night, they connect and Martine
ends up kissing him. Somewhere else,
Aurelie calls Francois and the two decide to
meet. Aurelie shows him her prosthetic arm,
and he kisses it, showing that he loves every
part of her. They make love and Francois finally
finds happiness outside of killing people.
The following morning, God is wandering down
a street when he sees Ea and Victor. He chases
them behind but they manage to escape by walking
on the water. When God tries to do it, he
almost drowns and loses the other two.
A group of men from the church save him and
bring him back to the pastor but even he
doesn’t want to take care of the guy.
After that, Ea finds her last apostle,
a boy named Willy who is about to die from
a terminal illness. His last wish in life is
to dress as a girl and his parents allow him
to do so. Ea makes friends with him and gives
him a shining fish as a gift. Before dying,
Willy wants to send the fish to the sea.
On Monday, he sells all of his parents’ furniture
to travel to a beach that he always wanted to
visit. On Tuesday, Francois tells Aurelie
that he is in love with her and wants to
spend the rest of his life with her. Wednesday
is the day when Martine’s husband finds her in
bed with the gorilla. They kick him out of the
house and continue their romantic relationship.
Then, Thursday comes and Marc makes love
to his girlfriend for the first time.
On Friday, Jean follows a flock of
birds and reaches a place in the arctic.
There, the birds signal him to a woman
who happens to be his soulmate.
And, on the last day of the week, God is deported
to Uzbekistan with a group of illegal immigrants.
At the same time, Willy and the others come to the
beach where he sets the fish free. He is only a
few minutes away from dying so the group decides
to stay on the beach until his last breath.
In the meantime, God’s wife enters his
office to clean it. She unplugs the computer
which sends the entire world into a frenzy. The
airplane that God is in starts to descend towards
the beach, threatening to kill everyone.
Thankfully, she plugs the computer again just
in time to avoid the crash. She then proceeds
to make personalized changes in the world,
giving every human the gift of immortal
life. The sky is covered with flowers,
people can walk underwater with their pet
fishes, the rules of gravity can be bent,
and the world turns into a utopia where all dreams
are fulfilled and everything is possible.
Martine has a human baby with the
gorilla, Victor publishes the new
testament and becomes a renowned author,
Francois is pregnant with Aurelie’s child,
and lastly, Ea and Willy kiss each other.
The only character who doesn’t have a happy
ending is God who is stuck in Uzbekistan
without a family. He desperately spends
the rest of his days looking into everyÂ
dryer for a way to return home.
